


Lovers Thread

by Satienn



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Blood, Dream Sex, Europe, F/M, Folklore, Forced Marriage, Historical Fantasy, Rough Sex, non-cest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:35:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10865376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satienn/pseuds/Satienn
Summary: Lower Bavaria, 13th century.Son of Henry XIII, Louis III (or Len, as he likes to be called) is about to marry Isabelle. As any other marriage in royal medieval Europe, Len has seen her only twice, to say that much. But there is a problem. A girl who's been visiting his dreams since he can remember. And he won't stop until he finds her.((This is the first part of a long series slightly based on my favorites stand-alone songs by Hitoshizuku-P x Yama, so I'm not sure if it's an AU? Anyway, there will be some worldwide History compliant facts as you can see, but it ain't boring, I swear,,))





	1. Duties of a Duke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, so please pardon me if I make mistakes lol
> 
> enjoy~~

Lower Bavaria, 1287.

The day had come. His marriage with someone he had barely met. He knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant marriage life, especially with _that girl_ always on his mind.

Yes. Louis III of Lower Bavaria, son of the famous Henry XIII, had his heart taken ever since he could remember. And just like everyday, he was always thinking about her.

While getting mentally ready for the "dammed marriage", he heard a knock outside the door of his art room, his most personal and favorite place in the castle. It wasn't a big room, and it didn't contain much furniture either. It had only one large window, almost 10 feet tall. The curtain was half closed, and the Sun illuminating only where he was standing, in front of a large mirror.

He moved to unlock the door. It was his mother, Elizabeth of Hungary. She had a warmth expression, one her golden-almost-brown long, loosely braided hair made everyone around her feel like kindness emanated from her.

"Hello, my dear son."

"What do you want, mother?" - Len coldly said inviting her in, and locking the door right after.

She entered the room, and turned around to face him, just staring for a moment, as if trying to find the right words.

"Len, I--"

He knew that her mother didn't agree with the marriage either. And he also knew she was trying to comfort him right now, otherwise she wouldn't have called him 'Len'. The name he chose to be called, because that was the name _the girl_ would always call him, with the most beautiful smile on her face.

"Mother, I know what you're trying--"

"No, Le-- LOUIS! You have to end this! I know you're not happy about the marriage. I, too, know what it's like to be forced to do it. But I cannot aloud all this..." - she pointed at the dozens of finished and unfinished paintings, scattered all over the room - "all this CRAZINESS to keep going on! You'll soon be the Duke of Bavaria, my son! You have to understand that this.. this DREAM of yours is only but a dream! There is no such girl! Please, Louis... You're not a child anymore."

Len sighed. He was looking at the paintings that were brought to discussion. They were all different from one another, from their sizes to their colours. But every single one of them had _the girl_ on it. A girl with blonde hair, vivid blue eyes, and oh so delicate skin. "The most beautiful girl", thought Len.

"Mother, we've talked about this before. I will not stop looking for her. I know she is real. I can fe--"

"Yes, yes. 'You can feel it', you say" - Elizabeth closed her eyes - "Oh my dear son... I wish you would stop this madness.."

The silence filled the room once again, as Elizabeth also stared at the paintings, sighing.

"You paint her so beautifully... Don't you think those men you sent searching for her wouldn't have found someone that looks like her by now? It's been almost 3 years already"

"Our world is too big. And father didn't lend me enough men to cover all our lands, even less all the known countries. I have hope that someday good news will come" - Len sounded very calm as he answered his mother, not taking his eyes off the paintings.

"Did you know that.." - Elizabeth suddenly said - "the name you call her.. it was the very first word you spoke?"

"I've heard some gossip here and there" - answered Len without looking at her.

"Yes..." - she had a sad smile on her face - "everyone in the castle is used to it by now. But when you were a child, you sure gave them something to worry about, telling stories of a girl that you've never met, as if she were real..."

Len didn't answer. He was used to hear this. He stopped arguing with them after some time.

"I'm not happy about your marriage" - Elizabeth continued - "But if it has to be, then I hope you come to your senses, now with a woman beside you." - his mother said with a serious face he'd only witnessed a few times before, and left the art room.

Len locked the door, and turned around to admire his favourite room. He realised that this was his last moment as a "single man" entering this sacred place. He now would only come again as a married man. To another woman. One that wasn't his beloved. He picked one of his favorite paintings of her, one that showed her lovely smile. Her image was even brighter than the Sun that was touching his face, as he sat in the chair by the window.

"I am so sorry, my love." - Len placed his fingers where the girl's cheek had been painted - "I have to do this against my will, but not a day will pass that I will not think about you. And not a day will pass that I will not be waiting for news of you. Until that time come, please... Please.. wait for me, my dear Rin."

As her name echoed in the room, Len got up, placed the painting where he was once sitting, and picked the white fabrics he brought with him earlier, carefully placing them over all of his artworks. He wouldn't bear to look at her while living with another. So it felt like the right choice. Whispering a sorrowful "I'll miss you, my Rin", he locked the room behind him and went to attend the damned wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth of Hungary (Len's mother) died in 1271, but I'll keep her alive for the sake of plot.


	2. Rin's Presence

 Finally.

The wedding ceremony was finally over. And now - Len thought - he could rest after such a stressful day. But oh, he remembered: he wasn't alone. As he closed his bedroom's door, he saw that shinning **thing** on his finger. He squeezed his eyes, trying to find some courage not to run away.

He turned around and walked towards his bed, stopping a few inches away. She was already sitting on "her side", shyly looking at her feet on the ground. Isabelle wasn't ugly, Len had to admit it. Her skin was of a young lady, and her posture showed she was from royalty. But her long dark hair and gray eyes... so different from those of Rin, they could only make him feel like the dirtiest cheater of both Bavarias.

Isabelle moved her eyes to Len in a instant. She had made her mind about what to say.

"So, Louis--"

"Please call me Len."

His face was inexpressive and he was standing as still as a rock. She stared at him for some minutes before nodding.

He knew she probably heard the rumors about him. That he "suffered from vivid dreams" and "believed they were true". Her expression was showing it. But the marriage wasn't her choice either, so he couldn't blame her.

Len finally sat down in the end of his bed, looking at the large windows across the room, with his back facing Isabelle. He remembered when he asked the servants to set the room like this. "The dawn's Sunshine that touches me as I wake up feels like Rin's Good-morning look" he smiled, as he remembered the reason.

Isabelle kept looking at him, who seemed lost in his thoughts. She could see he was feeling very uncomfortable in his own bedroom, so she tried to make it easier by showing him some trust. She reached out for him, moving his shoulder-length blonde hair in an attempt to tell him it was okay to face her. But Len moved her hand away.

"Don't. Touch me." - he was whispering, but it still came out as a loud and clear command.

He didn't turn around to look at her, but he could still feel that she froze at his words. He made a decision.

"I know we are married now, so I'm going to say everything clear right away. My heart belongs to another, and I cannot consummate this marriage with you. I'm not gonna tell you to leave, because this is my father's wish. But I'll understand if you want to."

"No! Loui-- Len! This is my parents' wish as well, and you know very well I could never go against them. But I cannot accept what you're asking of me either. I understand you love another, but this is bigger than you... or your feelings! You have to face it with me, and help me give heirs to our Duke, or I--"

"I will NOT do such thing" - Len finally turned around to face her - "I could never betray her. And this is out of question. I'll tell the servants to help you get dressed for your sleep. End of discussion."

Isabelle opened her mouth to protest, but Len had already rushed out of the bed and was reaching the door.

He looked at his hand on the door handle and saw the ring again. "I promise I'm only yours, Rin" was all he could think.

 

Len wandered the castle, until he found himself in front of his art room door. He didn't want to go there, it would only be more painful to see her image in this world. Only in his dreams he could touch and hug her as tight as he wanted. So he came back to his bedroom as soon as he noticed Isabelle's been asleep, hoping he would see the one he needed. 

His dreams with her didn't happen everynight, but they were always the same. He would always meet her in a garden, full of Roses of every color. The sky was of the bluest he'd ever seen. And he could hear a flowing river close by. This is where she had always been, carefully picking Roses as beautiful as her. The same flowers were on a hairclip that put her bright yellow hair up, followed by a clean transparent veil that went down the middle of her back. Her white and pink pompous dress showed her breasts and shoulders just enough to look like she was teasing him. Down her waist, it had a majestic volume of fabrics, yet it couldn't hide the beautiful body she grew into.

She would always get a relieved look on her face when noticing he arrived, leaving the flowers on the ground and running to hug him, with happy tears. This night it wasn't any different.

"Len!! You came to see me once again! Rin missed you so so much!"

"My dear Rin!" - he hugged her back, and whispered in her ear - "I will always come for you.."

She didn't say anything. With her head buried in his chest, he could feel her pain of being alone all this time.

"Rin... We've been meeting here since we were only children. I know you are waiting for me somewhere. I will find you, my love. And we will be happy together."

"I'm already the happiest, Len" - she said with a smile, and hugged him even tighter.

"I know it's been three years I sent them after you, but I know I'll find you. I'm sorry I couldn't leave to search for you myself, but I promise you, I will leave as soon as I know your whereabouts and--"

"No, Len... Please. Let's just enjoy each other here.."

She smiled and more tears ran down her pinky cheeks. Len tried to dry them away with his fingers, and closed the distance between their lips. Rin answered fast, putting both her arms around his neck, kissing him back warmly.

Suddenly Len broke the kiss.

"Rin... I have to tell you something"

"Oh?" 

"I married someone today." - he thought it was better to say it at once.

Rin's expressions were easy to read. The heart whelming face she was showing just now, turned into a painful smile. It took her a few seconds to reply.

"W-wow! Len... that's.. great!" - she was avoiding his eyes. - "I am... I am really happy for you... I'm glad at least one of us can... live normally... in the real wor--"

"Stop lying, Rin." - he forced her to look at him, with his hand under her chin -"I know you're not happy with this. And neither am I. I've already told you, over and over again... I can only be happy when I'm with you"

Rin was silent. Len didn't want to hurt her, but he thought this would be better than not telling her.

"But I promise you, there's nothing between me and this woman. You are the only one I want to--"

"L-Len... I know we can never see each other. We are both adults now. We should face reality, and just... remember our good times... our childhood together."

Part of Len knew she was right. This part of him was silenced with a shout, and his hands on both her arms.

"NO, RIN! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! We grew up together, and we will grow old together!" - Len could see Rin was scared of his reaction, but he was tired of hearing the same thing - "I've made this promise, and I will never give up on it: I will find you, and we WILL be happy together in real life!"

Once again, Rin didn't say anything. And he could see he was scaring her. When he came to his senses, he saw the white marks the strength of his grip was doing to her arms, immediately freeing her.

"I-I apologise... this isn't... this isn't me. I had a difficult day." - he took a step back and bowed - "Please, forgive me, my love".

"Len..." - she called him to look at her eyes - "Don't worry too much about me. You canno-"

"Why? Why is it that I can't find you?"

"The curse, Len... I already told you, I'm cursed to live in the dreamland until..." - she stopped.

"Until when? No, Rin, you've never told me about your curse. I beg of you--"

"No, please... let me be happy while I can."

Len didn't want to make her shed any more tears, so he stood up and held her in a warm embrace, feeling her heartbeat syncing with his.

"Please. Let me be happy..." - Rin whispered, as if asking someone else...

Len lifted her chin, staring at the fragile blue eyes of his beloved. Without saying a word, Len suddenly kissed her once again. She closed her eyes, deciding it was her right to enjoy it.

He felt her acceptance this time, so he decided to go further. He licked her lips, and pulled her closer.


	3. Lovers Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT AHEAD
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> You've been warned~

When Len noticed, his hands were reaching her legs over the dress, and his mouth, kissing her neck passionately. Rin was messing with his hair, loosening the hair tie that kept it in place, while opening her mouth to a soundless moan, caused by Len's tongue playing with her skin.

Len also untied her hair, and placed aside the white-transparent veil. He took off his coat, and stretched over the light green grass under their feet. He helped Rin open the white and pink dress, and placed it next to her veil.

Rin's face was even redder than the flowers.

"Rin.. do you want to do it?"

"Y-yeah... I do.. Even if... even if it's only here."

Len nodded and kissed her forehead. He took off his shirt, and sat on the stretched coat. Rin was still on her feet, trying to cover the parts that her under-dress was marking.

"You are beautiful, Rin. Don't be shy... I'm here with you" - Len said in a low voice.

He offered his hand to Rin, and she picked it without hesitating. They kept only facing each other for some minutes until, without saying a word, Len pulled Rin, laying with their bodies side by side.

"My Rin," - Len was running his fingers gently over her cheeks. - "I would never want do this with anyone else but you".

Rin left a single tear out, but Len didn't see it, as he suddenly kissed her deeply. His hand was running up her tights, while both Rin's hands were on his hair again.

When he reached her inner parts, Rin bit his tongue softly. Taking it as a sign to continue, Len was drawing circles in her most sensitive part.

Without leaving her warm lips, Len carefully took off Rin's pink underpants, but his fingers entered her without the same care. Len was impatient, he was drunk on Rin's perfect body. His fingers were moving without any set rhythm, and it made Rin open her mouth with a loud moan this time, echoing through the forest.

Len didn't finish her. He pulled his fingers out, and licked them with his eyes closed. Yes, it was a dream, but he wanted to enjoy even the smallest details. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Rin's loud breathing.

"Don't... don't stop, Len!" - she said between her deep breaths.

Her under-dress was now wet with her sweat, and her chest was going up and down as fast as the river's stream they could hear.

Len kept admiring her for a few more seconds, until he couldn't control himself anymore. He put each of his legs on each side of her, and started kissing her mouth, her cheek, her neck, drawing a path down her body. His hands were holding Rin's, up above her head. Her eyes were closed, and she was bitting her lower lip with such a force that it was making it whiter than her fair skin.

When Len reached the tip of her breast, he held both of Rin's wrists with only one of his hand, taking her under-dress with the other. Len couldn't look at her naked chest for long, and started kissing them slowly at first, while his free hand was running and pressing her entire body, confusing her brain over which touch she should focus on. He knew he was teasing her more than she could handle.

Rin was trying to free her hands, but Len was applying even more strength to keep her arms still. And they were not the only ones receiving his attention. Len was using his teeth to mark Rin's left chest, and playing with her right one with the tip of his fingers. Rin arched her back, feeling Len's hard volume under his tight pants.

It was enough to make Len free her arms. He went down her body, and placed his face between her legs.

"P-please, Len... enter me with--"

"Not yet, my beautiful Rin. I want to enjoy you as much as I can" - he said with a smirk on his face.

He soon started licking her, drawing with his tongue what she couldn't distinguish. Rin's moan was getting louder and louder. And just when she was about to release, Len stopped.

He finally took off any clothes he was still wearing. In less than a minute, he was back on top of Rin, kissing her lips and playing with her tongue. Without any announcements, he completely entered Rin in a fast move. They both moaned loudly.

Rin tied her legs around Len's hips, telling him it was alright to move. And he did.

"R-Rin... yo-u are.. so t-tight" - Len moaned in her ears.

Rin couldn't even answer. Len's pace was so fast, she could barely breathe. 

When her walls got even tighter, Len started thrusting faster and deeply. She screamed his name as she finally reached her orgasm. Soon after, he followed her, screaming the only name inside his heart.

Len laid down beside her, holding her with his arms. They were both sweating, breathing like there were not enough oxygen for just the two them.

"Rin... my love..." - he couldn't control his breath - "you're the first... and the last... you're the only lady I want to be with... please... tell me where you--"

"My dear Len... it's time to wake up." - she kissed his lips softly, and touched his forehead with hers, they both had their eyes closed - "I will miss you..."

Before he could make any protest, he opened his eyes and saw his bedroom's ceiling.

 

He wanted to hold her longer.

He wanted his Rin, and only his beloved Rin.

 

Len closed his eyes again, feeling very uneasy waking up to find himself laying beside another woman. This wasn't his beloved's blonde hair scattered over his sheets. This wasn't the delicate mouth he passionately kissed a few minutes ago. He sighed. Len used to spend some time in his bed thinking about Rin before getting up and facing the real world, but it had changed now.

He got up right away and went straight to the large window across the room. He felt the sun reaching his face and the warmth, just like Rin's body, soon filled the emptiness he had felt ever since he left her in the dream world... alone... by herself... once again...

He shook this image off his mind, and decided it was better to leave the room "before Isabelle wakes up", he thought. He didn't want to argue about everything he already made clear last night.

 

And like this, the days went by. 

Every now and then, he would dream with Rin again, and every time she would keep saying "Len cannot meet Rin". He knew that it could only mean that his men were close to finding her, or way too far from doing so. He hoped it was the first case.


	4. A Difficult Day

A few weeks had passed since the wedding day. And Elizabeth could feel her son growing colder and colder from the shining person he's always been. Some people said adulthood's finally got to him, but she knew better. His problem had a name.

 

His father had called him a few times asking if the marriage had been good. By that, Len knew he was asking if Isabelle's was already carrying "Henry XIII's grandson". Len would always coldly answer "it's fine", and quickly leave the room.

Len couldn't handle his thoughts alone, so he tried anything to avoid having time to think about the situation he was in. In the morning, he had to deal with Lower Bavaria's political and economical business, as its soon-to-be-Duke. But he was finished with it by lunch. That's when his sword and fighting skills were most practiced.

Most of his dreams with Rin seemed to become a bit darker lately, the sky above them that used to be of the clearest blue, was now getting cloudy and grayer. The Rose bush from where Rin always picked her flowers were showing even more thorns. He could feel something dangerous was coming. "I will be ready to protect you, my Rin", he always thought during his afternoons of training.

Then the night time came. And he had to face Isabelle once again. And once again tell her that nothing was going to happen between them. She would end up shouting, and Len leaving her in the room, ignoring all her "demands". The urge to enter his art room was big, but he couldn't, "this would hurt more" he thought. So he would end up going to the library, and read anything just to keep him from feeling the pain of Rin's absence. He would only come back to his-- no, their room, a few hours later, when he knew she would already be asleep. He could only hope to see Rin's smile as he laid his head.

It went like this for a couple of months, until the whole castle was talking about them. Of course, Len thought, with all her shouting it was really impossible not to know what was going on between the two newly-weds. But Len wasn't the type that cared about such thing. He was used to people talking about him, after all.

Then his father formaly managed to have a dinner set only for the two of them, "tomorrow night" - he read the invitation and sighed. Len could only think that Isabelle had something to do with it, since their fights were a routine now, and she had mentioned "telling Duke Henry" about them.

He wanted to see his beloved and try to forget his troubles while being with her. Len went to bed earlier than Isabelle this time. He fell asleep thinking about Rin, but what he dreamt with was not the Rose garden.

He thought he came to their meeting point as always, but he didn't find Rin. Instead, there were only dead Roses. The sky was showing that it was night time, which never happened before. There was a heavy fog down the flowers bush, and there wasn't any green under him. The sound of the flowing river couldn't be heard either. The only thing he could hear was a scratchy voice echoing:

" _You cannot find her_ \--"

" **YOU ARE WRONG! I WILL FIND HER, AND I WILL FREE HER!** "

A loud laughter filled the place, and there wasn't anything to see. He felt just as empty, and then a cold--

Len opened his eyes. To be exact, he jumped out of his bed. He was soaking wet. And by his side stood Isabelle, holding an empty bucked.

"What in heavens did you just do??"

 "Y-you were screaming, and I couldn't wake you up..."

 Isabelle was clearly afraid of Len hurting her. But he didn't move. His eyes were looking at her, but his head was not completely there yet... the nightmare wouldn't leave him.

 "You were... shouting a name...  _Rin_ " - Len finally paid attention - "Is she your... lover?"

 "Yes." - Len didn't want to talk about it now, not with Isabelle - "I'm going to change my clothes".

 Len thought Isabelle was actually worried this time, because she didn't say a word when he left her standing there, without explaining anything. " _Maybe she realised_ \--"

 He couldn't complete his thought. He could swear there was a strange bird outside one of the windows.

 "Did you see that?"

 "What?"

 "The bird. Outside--"

 "Bird? It's still night, Len. Birds are sle--"

 "There _was_ a bird there."

 Isabelle put the bucket aside and rushed out to him.

 "Len, are you feeling well?" - she put her hands on his forehead, to check if his temperature was normal.

 "I told you not to touch me" - he moved his eyes from the window to Isabelle.

 "I'm worried about yo--"

 "I am fine. It was only a nightmare"

 "But what about--"

 "I said I'm fine. Go back to sleep." - and moved to change his clothes.

 "You cannot run away from me forever, Len!" - was the last thing he heard before shutting the door.

 There were still a couple hours until the sunrise, but Len knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. So he went to the castle's library after changing into his daily morning clothes, and sat comfortably in his favorite chair.

 The strange voice was playing over and over inside his head.

 The bird's shadow stuck on his eyes.

 And Rin's absence causing his whole body to hurt.

 But there was one more worry keeping him from sleeping: his father's dinner invitation, unwrapped on his hands.

 "It's today..." - Len sighed - "What do you want from me, father?" - he mumbled to himself.

 He tried reading a book, but not a single one could keep his attention from overthinking all that happened.

 He decided to get to his work as Lower Bavaria's heir, hopefully wishing the paperwork would fill his mind. 

 The hours seemed to drag as the day went on. It wasn't near lunch when he paused his work. He wasn't Lower Bavaria's Duke yet, so all he had to do until that day was study the kingdom's history, and help his father's men with minor decisions.

 Len left the meeting room, deciding it was enough for the morning. No, he didn't go to his art room. There was a second place he was very familiar with. Another place in the castle reminded him of Rin.

 The small Rose garden he had planted near his bedroom's windows.

 Of course, he ordered the servicemen to maintain it as beautiful as it could get. Sadly, it was almost winter, so the flowers were mostly dead when he got there.

 But there were still some flowers with a few petals on them. The smell was almost indistinct, but not for him.

 "I miss you, my dear Rin..." - he said, softly running his fingers over the flowers.

 He looked over his bedroom's windows and Isabelle was standing with a sad expression on her face. Len didn't want to think about her now. He wanted his Rin.

 They haven't had a lustful moment since the last time, which was also their first time. As they didn't meet every night, they mostly spent their time talking about their time apart, about their different worlds, about their future together, although Rin would always change the subject when he mentioned it.

 And hugging. They couldn't be together any other way. Len felt the happiest when holding his beloved Rin. And Rin's heartbeat was always the calmest when she was embraced by Len. Their bodies were perfect for each other, it was like fitting a small rock right where it belonged in a huge construction, keeping it all together.

 Rin was Len's only. Just as Len was Rin's... he ignored the ring on his finger.

 These thoughts ran Len's mind like wildfire for the rest of the day. When he noticed, he had already had lunch, trained with his sword, and was now getting ready for the formal dinner.

 Isabelle wouldn't leave him alone. It was like she was waiting for Len to tell her something.

 "So... Len..." - she was following him like a shadow - "Why are you dressing up like this?"

 "Business with my father" - Len did not glance at her.

 "Oh... and--"

 "Isabelle, I'm busy right now. Would you please excuse me?" - he said passing through her.

 "No! I'm tired of this! I am your wife, for the love of God! I demand to be--"

 "Yes yes, Isabelle. You say this to me every night. Now please excuse me, I have a dinner to attend."

 "O-of course... but we'll talk when you get back!"

 Len didn't answer. Once again he shut the door leaving her screaming to herself. He had more urgent matters to think about at the moment.

 When he was close the dinner hall's table, the servicemen opened the two giant wooden doors, showing an even more majestic place. There was a lot of gold. Although Len agreed there should be more, just so the place would look even more like Rin's beautiful hair.

 The thousand candles around the room illuminated everything in it. The walls were covered with fine arts and adornments made of gold and silver. The floor had a red, blue, and white carpet, with black and gold details, the colors of the family's coat of arms.

 In the edge of the table with 20 chairs, was standing Henry XIII, the current Duke of Lower Bavaria.

 "Hello, my son... Please, have a seat over here, by my side. We have a lot to discuss tonight."

 He waited for Len to reach his recommended seat, and sat at the same time as him.

 Len didn't know what to think, but he could feel there were important news about to be announced.


	5. Decisions

Henry decided to talk only when both were finished with their dinner.

And it was making Len more anxious by the minute. When the food arrived, he ate in an abnormal speed, even though his appetite was gone.

Once they were both full, and the servants had took their dishes away, they finally started their long conversation.

"I apologize for making you wait, son. It's better this way, no one will interrupt us."

Henry's expression was calm. Like his son, he once had a golden hair on shoulders length, which was now completely silver. His old days got to him, and the wrinkles around his blue eyes had been there for a while. That was the first subject they talked about.

"Son.. you know my days as Lower Bavaria's Duke are ending--"

"Don't say that, father. You're not that old yet."

"Oh, my son... once you've lived as much as I did, you'll understand what I'm talking about."

Len didn't say anything. But he knew he wanted to live so much more than half a century. With his beloved beside him.

"That is one of the reasons I invited you here. I've made my decision about who I want to be the next Duke of our land."

"I understand you've made the best decision, father."

"I did. Otto, Stephen and Louis will be the next Dukes of Lower Bavaria."

Len wasn't expecting it. He thought Otto, his eldest brother, would be the next Duke. And, since the second eldest had died, he would be the second in the line of succession.

"You mean the three of us? Together?"

"Yes."

"Even Stephen?" - his father nodded - "But he's still a child--"

"He's only 2 years younger than you, Louis."

Silence filled the room for a few minutes before Len answered.

"If you think that's better, than I can only agree with you, father."

Len didn't like to fight with his father. He disagreed with him very often, but he still had a huge respect for him. He knew Dukes had to do what was expected of them. Well, most of the time he was fine with that--

"And that's why I also have another request, son. As one of my successors, you have to give me heirs"

"Father, it hasn't been 8 months yet. Otto hasn't even--"

"I _will not_ allow you to speak what's on your mind about brother. He's lived through both his newborns AND his wife death. We are talking about YOU, who hasn't even laid a hand on--"

"I knew it. I knew Isabelle had something to do with this."

"And what exactly do you think she was supposed to do, Louis?? She should be about to deliver your son by now! The whole castle is talking about you. In no time, the rumors will start spreading across the land. I do not want Lower Bavaria to be reigned by someone who makes the people insecure about their manners."

Len didn't know how to answer. He couldn't give up on the throne. He needed it to ensure Rin's safety... from whatever danger she was facing. Besides, he would be considered a traitor if he did left his family. And traitors pay with their lives. His father made sure he was aware of that.

"Need I remind you of the importance of marriage between royal families? This isn't about you choosing what you want, but doing what is right. Neither of us chose to be born as heirs, but we have to honor our position--"

"Yes, father. I understan--"

"Do not interrupt me." - unlike his son, Henry always easily expressed his emotions on his face. And he wasn't showing a friendly one this moment - "You better not be using that girl you always talk about as an excuse. I understand your wish... I too once had another girl I loved. But I was raised to be Lower Bavaria's Duke, so I had to marry your mother. And now you're on the same position. If you do not want to be erased from this world, leaving behind the possibility of finding that girl, you will do what is right for this kingdom."

Henry knew his son's weakness, and he used it to persuade him. Len was not sure if his father would accept Rin as his wife once she was found, or if he would have to wait until he became Duke... either way, he wouldn't waste the possibility. After a few seconds in silence, he made a decision.

"I understand now, father. I will fulfill my role as the successor."

"That's what I was expecting. You are very smart, Louis... Don't let your dreams blind you."

Len nodded. They talked for a couple more hours about politics and economics. Father and son didn't exactly thought alike, but they agreed in most of the cases. Len knew he would have the opportunity to do things his way once he got to the throne.

When he left the room, he remembered he would have to face Isabelle. But there were still a few things to plan, and arguing with her would only distract him. So he decided to go to the library.

It was near midnight when he sat in his chair. He lit a single candle. He didn't need light to read. In fact, he needed enlightenment to avoid doing what he didn't want.

Isabelle didn't understand him.

She definitely would not help him lie to his father.

She wouldn't be easily tricked into _doing it_ with someone else either.

No matter how hard he thought about it, the only option was doing what was expected of him.

Trying to find a way out of this situation, Len's body, that was already tired since he didn't have a good night's rest the night before, fell asleep... arriving where he wanted to stay.

Fortunately, his beloved was waiting for him.


	6. Living in a Dream

  **~RIN'S POV~**

 

Something strange happened last night. I looked for Len all around, but he wasn't anywhere, although I could still hear him screaming.

The sky is getting greyer by the day. And my beautiful Rose garden isn't blooming like before. The crystalline river l had always spent my time alone.. now isn't as clear.

I know I don't have much time left... the spell--

"RIN!!"

I turn around and find him calling my name with a smile as bright as my days used to be. I try to quickly dry my sad tears away, hoping he will not worry about me any more than he already do.

"My Len.." - If I run and hug him, he will not notice--

"My Rin..." - he places his hands under my chin, making me look into his eyes - "why were you crying?"

Oh, it was obvious. I could never hide anything from him.

"I-I'm sorry, Len. I just... I missed you, that's all" - Maybe if I smile he'll believe me?

"Rin... don't lie to me." - Of course he wouldn't - "Please, tell me--"

"I can't, Len..." - I need to change the subject - "How was your day? We didn't see each other yesterday. I missed you so much--"

"Rin... is there something you should tell me?" - Len sounds serious. As if he knows something... something he didn't know before.

"No. There is no--"

"I already told you, _do not_ lie to me" - His voice is serious. If I didn't know him well, I would say he's mad at me. But I do. He's just worried. He hugs me tight and whispers - "Please. Let me help you."

I wish we could stay like this forever. With my eyes closed, I can feel his heartbeat with mine.

"I don't want to talk about it, Len. I beg of you. Stop--"

"I still can't help you by myself, Rin. But I need to know what is going on with you..."

He will not give up. And I will not tell him. Not yet.

"I will tell you when it's time. I promise"

"I trust you, my dear" - Good. I successfully avoided this conversation once again. - "And I need your help with something..."

Len knows I can't leave this place. Why would he need my--

"I need you to forgive what I'm about to do."

"L-Len... you're scaring me. What are you talking about?"

He knees before me... what is he--

"My dear Rin" - he leaves warm kisses on both my hands - "I need to betray you"

"What are you talking about, Len?" - I must look as confused as I'm feeling right now.

"As one of the next Dukes, I need to give my father heirs..."

I feel like my heart stopped.

I knew this day would come. Of course I did. And yet... it still hurts. A lot.

There were days when I wished Len would come and save me. But I wouldn't dare to put his life in danger because of me. So I never told him... many things.

I still remember the first time we met. We were both children by then. I already knew this place, but it was Len's first time here. As I was taking care of my _dream garden_ , I saw a person approaching me. I hadn't see one in a long time... it was scaring at first, but I soon changed my mind.

Len was wearing beautiful white and blue clothes. His hair was the same golden yellow as mine, so were his blue eyes. I could tell he was somewhat of a prince. "H-hello, my lady" he whispered, offering his hand to help me stand up. I didn't move an inch since I saw him, and he kindly made sure he would not hurt me.

After that night (it's always day in here, but I supposed it was night outside, because he told me he was dreaming), Len came to visit me many times. It took him a while before he could feel comfortable around me, enough to express his feelings without all the etiquette the royalty must learn.

He believed I was real from the first time I told him. I didn't explain why I'm here, of course... I knew he would want to look for me. And that's exactly what happened. He kept asking me where I-- where my body was, and why I was trapped here. I didn't tell him much. Just that I was a princess doomed to live here until my body withers. After some time he finally gave up asking me.

When we turned 13, we found out together what was inevitable. We were deeply in love. When his father accepted his persistent request to lend men to go on a search for me, I realised he would do anything for me. Even though I had not gave him any leads, he was willing to search all the lands... I couldn't help but dream of a day we would be together in real life.

It's been three years since then, and Len is married now. We slept together for the first time on his wedding night, so I wanted to believe he would be--

"..in....Rin.....RIN!"

Oh, my mind must had wandered for too long. Len is standing in front of me right now. He looks worried about me.

"Rin... Please, forgive me. It is not my choice--"

"No, I... I understand, Len. You have to.. be a good Duke" - Yes... that's right. I have to cheer him up, and make him stop before it's too late - "Len. Please, promise me you'll stop looking for me."

"You know I would never do this, my love" - Len's touch on my face is soothing - "I want to be with you in the real world as well. Once I get to the throne, you will be my one and only queen."

I do want him to fulfill his promise, to be happy with me... but I also want him to live on. Will we find our happy end?

 

**~END OF RIN'S POV~**


	7. Betrayal and Forgiveness

 "You know I would never do this, my love" - Len touched her face softly - "I want to be with you in the real world as well. Once I get to the throne, you will be my one and only queen."

He really meant that. Len knew it would probably cause a lot of trouble, but that's what he's been fighting for, ever since he realised he and Rin were two halves of a whole.

"Rin... I know you're in danger. Please... Let me help you" - he made a serious face, remembering what happened last night.

As always, Rin didn't say a thing. Len knew she was trying to protect him, so he never actually pressured her to explain the situation. But it never stopped him from trying to find out. And last night's nightmare could help him understand things a bit. That's something he would have to think about once he wakes up. For now, he could enjoy her company.

Len stretched his cloth over the now brownish grass. He sat and helped Rin do the same. Once she managed to adjust her pompous dress, Len pulled her. Her face rested on his chest, listening to his anxious heart. Len's fingers ran slowly through her hair, hoping to find a way to calm down both of them. They kept quiet for some minutes, and just stared at the gray clouds above them.

Both were thinking about what was about to happen... or rather, what was Len about to do. It was not his fault, but Len couldn't stop blaming himself for still living in a different world, apart from his beloved... and having to physically betray her was hurting his own soul. Of course, this was a common habit within royal heirs... having a lover AND a wife separately. There once was a day when he thought it wouldn't be like this, "no, not me"... but it was a long time ago, and now he had to do what was expected of a soon-to-be Duke.

But there could be way to avoid it for a while. His father didn't seem to be dying, so maybe, just maybe, he could push this obligation further--

"Len..." - she broke the silence, and Len's thought process - "when are you... doing it... with her?"

This thought had been running her mind for quite some minutes. Len felt horrible when the words left her mouth. She was hurting too, and he could tell by her painful tone.

"I still.. don't know." - He wished that was not the answer - "I talked about it with my father last night. Apparently, you can't be married for over 8 months and still be without a son on its way."

Rin nodded. There was really nothing they could do about it. So she decided to not ask about it anymore... she also felt a bit guilty. Len always told her every little detail about his life... Rin always did the opposite, hiding everything she knew about hers.

They spent the rest of their dream together like that, without saying a word, just feeling each other's warmth. Like the other times, Rin was the one telling when Len was about to "leave". She once explained that she could feel everything that went in and out her world. The reason was still unknown to him.

Len woke up with his face being greeted by the sun... a cold sunrise, announcing winter's arrival. He got up from his library chair, and decided it would be a long day. Isabelle would want to know what he and his father talked the night before. But Len was not ready to tell her. Not yet. So he decided to avoid going to his room for the morning.

It didn't work.

It was barely morning, but Isabelle was already up, outside the library's door, waiting for her husband.

"What. In the world. Are you doing here??" - Len had no patience to deal with her curiosity at the moment, he was almost shouting at her. 

"I just wanted to--"

"We are going to talk about it later--"

"No! Louis, that's not what I came here for. Just.. listen to me!"

"Would you please excuse me? I have other things to do..."

"It sure can wait two minutes"

Len closed his eyes and sighed. She wouldn't leave him alone until she spoke, anyway.

"Okay... go ahead. Two minutes"

"Good. Well... I obviously am dying to know what you and your father talked about last night. But... I also spent my night thinking about us. I decided..." - Isabelle was a hesitating, which made Len get even more upset. - "I decided... to make a deal."

"A what?" - He made a very surprised face.

"I-I want to make a deal. You give me one heir, and I'll never bother you again!"

".....Isabelle. Like I said, we will talk about it later".

"No, it's been _late_ for a long time now. Will it be a yes or no?"

Len wasn't one that liked to argue. That's why he always left Isabelle shouting by herself. He used to be, though. But it changed when he noticed no one would support him find Rin. When his father lent him men was the last time he actually argued.

"Fine. One heir." - he said coldly.

"Then it's a deal."

Isabelle turned her back, leaving him alone once again. Len left a sigh of relief. She didn't say _when_ he would have to give her an heir, and he was trying to find some comfort in that. He shook the thought off his mind, and focused on the daily tasks he had to accomplish. Heir's work, fighting skills, and... Isabelle's shouting at night. Along the day, he had decided to put an end to the last one. At least for now.

He entered his-- _their bedroom_ and Isabelle was waiting for him. The image of her lying on his bed made him stop right away. After months, he still had not got used to find in there a cold brunette instead of a summery blonde. Len felt like the cold wind outside hit his whole body at once, even though the windows were closed, and the burning fireplace close to his bed emanated warmth. For minutes, the loud crackling fire sounds were the only ones heard in the room.

Len was the one who changed it, still standing a few steps away from her. He took a deep breath and told Isabelle everything he and his father talked about regarding his duties as one of the three next in line for the throne. She listened to all of it quietly, almost without moving an inch. She always paid attention when people talked. Yes, she had those loud "discussions" with him, but that was because Len never answered anything, she basically shouted a monologue every night.

"...and now, about the deal you offered me this morning--"

"I didn't offer you a deal, we _made_ a deal" - it was the first thing she said that night, and it left her mouth like an arrow shot through Len's soul.

"Of course... the deal we made this morning..." - Len was a men who always honored his word. But for the first time, he wished he wasn't - "I will give you a heir. But in one condition. It will be whenever I want"

"Excuse me?? Are 8 months not enough for you?? For how long are you planning to make me wait? To make YOUR FATHER wait?"

"You both will wait. My father talks like he's about to die at any given moment. But he is not. So just like him, you will wait until I feel like it."

"No! This is not--"

"It **is** set, and I'm not going to discuss it any longer" - He was looking right to her eyes - "Now, you go to sleep. I still have some work left."

Len left the room in a hush. Isabelle didn't open her mouth to protest. "At least that's something..." was what she probably thought, comparing this discussions to their first one, way back on their wedding night.

His last sleep-time had not been pleasant. Not for his body, anyway. Both his back and his nape were sending shocks down his spine. It was about time to stop sleeping in a chair. That, along with the decision he had to made, and the nightmare of two nights ago were not letting him feel any ounce of sleep that night.

He decided it was the time again to gather all the evidences he had about Rin, adding the ones he recently acquired with the 'dark dream', and put them all together.

It was time to re-open his art-room.


	8. Sehnsucht

Len stood in front of his art-room door.

He didn't think he would be back there so soon. It took him years to bring together the little information he had about Rin's whereabouts. And now he already had new materials he could _probably_ work with.

He pulled out the key that hanged on his neck by a golden string. He had not used it since the last time he was there on his wedding day... yet the key necklace was always with him. Its touch on his bare chest kept reminding him of the place he strongly wished to go back to, at least during his awaken time. Before opening the door, he took off his wedding ring and put it in his pocket.

Once inside, he locked the room again, wearing the necklace like before. He lit some candles and took a look around. Since no one on the palace would dare to enter his personal place, it was exactly as he left it: paintings covered with white cloths scattered all over the room. He looked to his right, and saw a furniture of his size covered with the same cloth. It was the mirror he last saw himself "as a single man". He didn't want to change that memory, so he left it as it was.

Across the entrance, the long bordeaux curtains were closed. It was night time, so Len wouldn't bother to open them. He walked towards it, and reached the chair he left his favorite paint on. He carefully removed the white soft cloth and sat in the chair, holding the paint with both his hands. It was even more beautiful than he could remember. Len's art skills were not bad, but it was Rin's charming smile that made the artwork look as if it was sent from Heavens by the Angels themselves.

For anyone else, these paintings were just images from his imagination. For him, they portrayed the moments he shared with the one person that constantly made his heart beat faster. But they were so much more than that. Each and every one of them were illustrations for his _special journal_ , where he registered all the details he thought were somehow relevant to his search for Rin. He stared at the painting on his hands for a couple more minutes before standing up and going after the journal.

It was kept in the single drawer on the table he kept his paint-brushes and inks. The drawer also had a lock. He pulled from under his shirt the same key he opened the room. Without taking it off, he opened the drawer, and put the key's necklace back where it was, close to his chest again. "It wouldn't hurt to be a little bit too paranoid about keeping the key safe from other people's reach", Len thought. He picked up the journal, the single object in the drawer, and sat in the chair again.

The journal's cover was made of blue colored leather, and a bit rough to the touch. The sheets were in sepia tones, and Len's handwriting on then were the most beautiful anyone could ever imagine. There were more blank pages than not, so before adding the new information, Len read what was written all over again.

 

_May 25, 1283._

_Rin never wants to talk about what is happening to her body. The few things I know, is from observing the dreams we have together. She and I are always wearing the same clothes and we always meet at the same place... I don't know if these dreams are mine or hers, but one of us is controlling them. I'll try to think of some way to try and change it. But I know that, if I could control its frequency, I would dream with her every single night..._

 

_October 18, 1283._

_It never changes. It's always the same place. The same garden. The same roses. But we never have the same conversation. Rin finally said she's under some curse or spell... that she's trapped inside the dream world until it vanishes. But she did not say when or how it will happen. According to her, I'm the only human that ever entered her world. She knows everything that happens in there. So she's the one who's controlling it. When I asked why this place, she said it's the place she most liked to visit. I didn't say anything, but this proves (as if I needed any more proofs) that she hasn't always be here, that she's not a product of my imagination. Rin is real and I will find her._

_July 14, 1284._

_Rin won't tell me anything. It's so frustrating. That's why I've decided to do some research on my own. When we first met we both were still kids, but if this place is really somewhere she used to go, I only had to trace the landscape and look for it in the real world. It quite look like the gardens from my own homeland... but the weather never changes, so I can't be certain. I know it's somewhere close... we speak the same language and she confirmed it was not because we are in a dream. I need to go on a search._

_August 5, 1285._

_Rin seems to always talk to someone.. asking them to let her be happy. That's why I think someone has put her in this situation, it wasn't her decision or her doing. She really is in danger... or the danger already caught to her. Either way, I need to find her. I can't go after her, but I've insisted a lot and father lent me some men. It might take sometime, but I'm sure they will find her._

_May 13, 1286._

_Yesterday I told Rin about the men I sent after her. It was the very first time I saw her crying sad tears... they used to be only happy ones, ever since we met. She said we 'should only enjoy our time together in the dreamland while we can'. Maybe that means the person that did this to her is still a threat... wouldn't they know we've been together by now? Why are they letting us meet? Maybe they don't think I'm a real threat... I'll show them how wrong they are._

_January 28, 1287._

_It's taking longer than I thought. And I can't leave the palace to go look for Rin on my own. I will be a married man soon, and the only interesting news I have is that Rin is the same age as me. And it pains me to see how much she should have experienced already. And yet she's always picking roses that seems to grow back again every time I visit her. When I asked her about it, she said "I can't control it. I'm just connected to this place... like the Roses". Then if there's something that can break the connection, I need to find out._

 

Len finished reading and he actually thought there would be more information on it... now he only had to do what he came for. He turned the page, adding what he recently experienced.

 

_December 21, 1287._

_It's been a few months, and two things happened recently that made me want to have it registered here. Firstly, ever since I got married, Rin's world have been... decaying. I know the news hurt her deeply, and our relationship have been a little tense since then. But if she is just part of this world, her change of feelings (to pain) is not the reason. Something is happening to her body... winter has just began. But this never happened in past winters._

_Secondly, the weird nightmare I had. It wasn't with Rin, but I know it's related to her in a way, because it felt exactly how I feel when I dream with her. And it was probably the person who's been doing this to her (whatever 'this' means). I couldn't see anything, but I heard a strange voice saying that I cannot find her, followed by a loud laughter. I might be wrong, but it sounded quite like an old lady... my guess is that the men I sent after her is probably getting closer to their objective. They are close, but not there yet. It matters not, for I will not give up._

 

He closed the journal and locked it back again. Now he decided to draw its illustration. He selected the paint brushes, the inks, and put a small white canvas on the easel. The colors he chose transmitted what he felt. The cold, dark ones, expressing his hate, anger, anxieties, and most of all, his fears.  But there was a palette of colors that contested it...

A beautiful pink and red Rose was the center of all. It was surrounded by dark green leaves of many different sizes, twisted in a never ending thread of even darker brown thorns that filled the rest of the canvas.

When Len finally finished the art piece, the candles went out. He had the room's space memorized, so in the darkness he walked towards the windows, opening the silk curtains. It was still night, and the full moon stood in front of him, enlightening the whole castle... No, the whole land. There was not a single cloud to be seen, and the winds felt as cold as the absence of his love. He sat in his chair, staring at his recent artwork, now illuminated by the cold white moonlight.

Wishing the thorns around the graceful Rose would one day allow him to feel its delicate touch, Len fell into a dreamless sleep. Soon, that became more frequent than both lovers could endure.


	9. Conjugality

Without opening his eyes, Len woke up regretting once again sleeping in a chair. It wasn't an uncomfortable one, since he ordered this specific chair to be made of the coziest materials ever known. But no chair could replace a good night's sleep in his own bed. Even if he shared it with someone he didn't love.

That thought instantly made him open his eyes, and the image in front of them comforted him just as fast. The finished paint had almost dried by then. The light coming from outside was illuminating it perfectly, so he could see every brush marks, from the dark ones to the reddish/rosy ones.

The nights he didn't dream with his beloved were always followed by bitter mornings. This missing part of him hurt like a thorn ring around his very soul. He turned around, noticing he would have to face the day by now. The view from the window was the most wintery possible. Len knew the icy breeze he felt for the past days announced the coldest season was coming, but nothing could made him believe it more than what he saw: everything covered with heavy snow. It surely snowed while he slept, but he hadn't noticed it was that long. Just like the white image under his window, the sky displayed heavy clouds, about to send another few inches of snow.

It could only mean one other thing. He missed the early morning meetings with the Duke, and he felt uneasy. Simply because now his father would literally think he overslept because last night he was busy... _impregnating_ his wife. "Bullshit" was the only reaction echoing in his mind. But of course, he couldn't come to say that to Duke Henry. Not after agreeing to do what was requested of him. He told Isabelle they would have to wait for "when he feels like it", but not by lying to his father again. He thought that, if he avoided to talk about it, he could--

He turned his face to the door, where someone had just knocked on. He quickly went to open it, luckily not to find his wife or his father standing there.

"Hello, my son..." - said Elizabeth with a concerned face.

It took Len a few minutes before realising it was safe to breathe normally again. He actually didn't want to talk to anyone, but he felt relieved it was his mother in front of him.

"It's been sometime, mother" - Len said while making room for her to pass, and locking the door again.

"Yes I've been busy... with your sisters."

"How did you know I was here?"

"Your father mentioned you didn't show up at the morning meeting... I thought you were with your wife, but I've met her in the hallway and she said you've been away the whole night again. I went to the library, and was surprised to see you were, in fact, in this room".

Len didn't know how to answer, so he just watched as she walked into his newest art-piece. His mother didn't agree with his obsessively search for Rin, but she had always shown an interest in whatever dreams, paintings, actions... Anything caused by the presence (or absence) of this girl in her son's life. Len remained frozen next to the door, wishing she would soon be leaving.

"Is this new?" - He only nodded - "So that's what made you oversleep today. It's... bothersome."

"Yes... mother, I don't want to be rude, but what exactly did you came her for?"

"I remember the last talk we had in this room... the last time we talked at all, wasn't it? It's been a long time, my dear son" - She was now facing him, but still standing next to the painting - "I know you've already discussed with your father, but I too felt the need to ask you. Please. Len... focus on the wife you have beside you--"

"Like you said, I've already sort this out with father, and I will fulfill my role as one of the next Dukes."

"Yes, I know. I... also had a talk with Isabelle."

"Did you now?"

"Yes, that's why I came here. As you sure know, I've raised all seven of your sisters. And I know extremely well how a woman acts when she's having her way..."

"I don't understand--"

"Isabelle told me the 'deal' you both made. My dear, I worry about you, and I want you to be a successful Duke just like your father, so I came her as soon as I noticed... Isabelle is not waiting for you this time. You only have one week until she actually do something about you not consummating this marriage."

"She cannot do any--"

"You are wrong! Women can and will ruin their husbands life if they don't get what they want. I'm here to help you, son. In a week, she will ask you one last time... If you don't carry out the deal, she will ruin your chances as the next Duke. And that's not what I want... what any of us want." - She looked to his favorite paint of Rin, placed under the window.

Len knew his mother didn't care much about him finding Rin. She only said that to convince him of the importance of his place in the throne. He didn't understand one thing, though...

"Why one week?"

"Isn't it obvious? That's the time when her bleeding will stop."

Oh.

"I understand, mother. I will... do what I can"

"I hope that will be enough..."

Elizabeth walked towards the door, and Len unlocked it. It was almost lunch, so he put the white cloths on the paints again, and left a few minutes later, after taking one last look at the room. He didn't know when he'd come back. He wished it would be sooner rather than later.

The sword training was something he definitely wouldn't miss, even in a snowy day like that one. He tried to focus as much as he could on his physical training. Of course, sometimes he would stop and look to the snow falling outside and imagine his dear Rin playing with it, "I bet she misses it..." was one of his thoughts, since the seasons don't change in her dreamland. The memory of her pleasant laughter during their happy moments together warmed his cold anxious heart, until night came again.

Len always had dinner alone. He preferred to have his meals peacefully, and if anyone joined him, they would certainly bother him with matters he didn't want to discuss. There was only one person he'd like to share his meals _and decisions_ with, anyway. When he got to his room, he ignored Isabelle completely. At first, she tried to get his attention with some small talk, but Len just nodded to whatever she said. He quickly went to sleep, and finally get a more comfortable rest.

The next days followed just the usual routine. But the lovers didn't get to see each other... It wasn't particularly worrisome, since they went a few days without meeting before. This didn't happen often, though, and Len would never get used to it. A week passed. And Rin's absence was getting to Len's mood. There was another important matter he would have to deal with. Len had to face his wife, and the deal, exactly as Elizabeth foresaw.

After dinner by himself, he quickly went to his room. Isabelle was always already in there, since he tended to have his meal a bit later than everyone else. For the past week, she had completely failed to get Len's attention. Not that night.

"Welcome, my dear husband" - she said as Len closed the door behind him and turned around to see her. The image was so shocking, Len just stood there. Isabelle was wearing a very... _different_ dress.

Ever since their marriage, she'd wore a long comfortable dress, with a narrow belt and tight long sleeves. The colors were mostly dark ones, and the light fabric also covered all her upper chest. "So very different from my Rin", Len thought every time he saw her. But at that moment... she was very different. Not even in their weeding night she had wore something so... revealing. It was a long red robe, made of the same material as Rin's white veil... it was almost transparent, and showed all of Isabelle's curves. Her body was not unpleasant to be watched, and he admitted it to himself. Still, it was very surprising, and he stood still in front of her, with his eyes wide open, not looking at any specific part of her body. It took him a few minutes to respond.

"...wh-what in Heavens is this??" - He said motionless.

"We made a deal, Len..." - Isabelle had never been so straightforward, apparently all the time waiting for Len made her find the courage to be so - "...and it's time to fulfill your promise."

She didn't give Len any time to think, and threw herself in his arms, tossing hers around his neck. The thin fabric was the only thing between her naked body and Len's hands.

That was their first kiss.


	10. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!! W A R N I N G !!!!!!!!
> 
> SMUT AHEAD and it might also be disturbing for some people, because it's kinda... rough?

It was a completely unexpected kiss. For Len, at least. Her warm tongue invaded Len's mouth without hesitation, her hands desperately pulled his neck towards her. She shut her eyes, but Len kept his wide open. The shock was enough to make him freeze, with his hands on her hips, from an early attempt to stop her. His tongue didn't play along with hers, but rather was dragged into a dance he wasn't even properly invited to. Isabelle wasn't a bad kisser, "but she isn't Rin" was what he thought and probably what his face expressed.

"No, I am not Rin. No one is her!" - at the sound of her name, he immediately pulled his hands off her - "You haven't touched me in all of these months we've been together. I didn't ask you to love me, I knew that would never happen. I only asked to be treatead as your wife, and receive the minimum amount of attention!"

"I told you from the start it would never happen, what's wrong with you??" - he finally realised what she did, and now was shouting at her.

"What's wrong with ME?" - she highered her voice as well - "YOU are the one who should've known better. I know you are insanely obsessed with a child's dream. But dear Heavens, it is impossible to escape your fate as the next Duke! The same goes for our marriage! And the heir of yours I have to carry! YOU should face reality! Now let's get this done with so you can just keep searching for someone who doesn't even exist--"

Len usually kept his composure even when the situation wasn't friendly at all, but sometimes his rage would take over him, and make him do things even to those who were innocent... Like when he gripped Rin's arms using too much strength because she did not give any answers, or when the feeling of being useless wouldn't disappear... leading him to hurt many of his men that helped him with the sword training. So at that moment, when every word coming out of Isabelle's mouth got him angrier, hate blinded him once again.

"How dare you talk like this to me??" - he closed the distance between them, reaching for both Isabelle's arms with far too much force. His voice wasn't loud this time, but the hatred could easily be noticed. Isabelle's face showed how scared she was, yet he did not stop - "How dare you talk like this about MY RIN??"

Isabelle tried to take a step back, but Len's hold was too tight to leave her any possibility of movement. She did nothing but keep staring into his eyes, too scared to let out any word. The fights they had so far weren't enough to get him this upset. In fact, they were not even close to it, because Len actually took them all as a normal part of his routine, a tiring part of course, but a daily task nonetheless. But now... now Isabelle went too far. She not only touched him without any permission, but offended his beloved in front of him like no one else dared to do in all his life.

In a fraction of a moment, a thought from his memory echoed inside his head... _"_ _If you don't carry out the deal, she will ruin your chances as the next Duke."_  He could not allow it. He would never allow it. Not when every moment he had been reminded that his Rin was still in danger, and this thought alone felt like his own soul was getting crushed by a thread of thorns... There were no other options. He should either give Isabelle what she wanted, or be accused of being a traitor and then killed. But for the sake of his Rin, the latter could not even be considered a real option, so...

He dragged his wife towards the bed, still with both his hands on her arms. When he tossed her with all the strenght he had been acquiring through his physical training, Isabelle hit her head in the mattress and immediately tried to get up. But before she noticed, Len climbed into the bed, and prevented her from doing any movements. Both her legs were locked under his body, he had put each of his legs in each side of her. Just as fast, her wrists were above her head. Isabelle was immobilised.

"Ouch! Le-- Louis! Stop! You're scarin--"

"Ha! Funny.. now that you finally got my attention, you're scared??" - He smirked, looking down closely into her eyes, their mouths almost touching. - "You will now get what you wanted... what you've been asking me for the past eight damn months!"

"N-no! That is not--"

"You want my heir? I'll give you one! And just like you said, you will leave me the fuck alone after this!"

Now she was the one who had eyes widely opened. Certainly it was not like she expected to happen... but it was too late now. Unlike Len who trained his body everyday, she had not the slightest strength to overcome his force above her almost naked body. When this thought ran her mind, Len had already tore her transparent robe in two, took off only his pants right after it, and was now holding her legs open.

He did not hesitate to enter her dry hole, he did not care about making it a pleasant experience, and he did not listen to any of the words spoken between his forceful thrusts. Not one of those words were from him... Isabelle cried out for him to take it slower, avoiding at any cost to say "stop", because she was afraid he would hurt her even more if she did not accept his own terms on  _making the heir_. Still, it was her first time... when Len first entered her, along with a painful scream from her mouth, a small portion of blood stained the handmade bed clothing under their bodies. It had the same red and blue colors from the coat of arms of Lower Bavaria, so the red liquid that got to the fabric didn't actually draw any attention, and neither the little marks it left on Isabelle's pinky skin... mainly because Len had his eye shut, so he wouldn't have much images to recall next morning.

The position they started, was the same until the end. Isabelle with her back laid in the bed, hands holding the sheets as hard as the pain hitting her, and eyes shutting and opening at every investment he made. Len spreading her legs open, still with his shirt on, and his eyes and lips shut, mentally focusing on the end of it all. Neither of them were enjoying the act. After all, it was merely the fulfillment of a duty. That's why it took Len double the time he did with the one he actually loved. At some point, Isabelle's pain became bearable, so the screams were reduced to heavy breathing. A few minutes later, Len was coming to his limit. The fact that it wasn't Rin under him made every physical pleasure shortly turn into a self-incriminating moan.

"Now..." - He said after composing himself, getting away from Isabelle. - "Stay exactly where you are. Don't you dare waste away my seeds. I'll look for someone to change the bed. You just stay there."

He went out of the bed and turned around to look at her face to see if she understood his command, avoiding to lay his eyes on her naked body at all costs. Isabelle just nodded, motionless except for her heavy breathing. Len left the room to clean himself. It was still a snowy December night, but he went after a cold shower to clean his defeat away. After cleaning and dressing himself with warm and comfortable clothes, he found himself in front of his art-room.

"I am so sorry, my dear Rin..." - he whispered as he got the key on his hand - "I have failed you... I have failed you again..."

No, Len told himself, he did not deserve to enter the room that night. He would never be able to face her ethereal presence after what he just did. He promised her she would be the one and only... He promised her he would soon be going after her... He promised her so much, and yet... He could only face his duties now. 

He went back to his room after some minutes blaming himself for the situation he was in. Isabelle had already fell asleep, and had her body covered by clean blankets. Before going to bed, Len went to the room's larger window... the storm had now passed, but the sky was still filled with heavy clouds. He could barely see the moonlight. But something caught his attention.

A bird... flying close to the castle. It didn't make any sense, obviously. Because he'd lived there all his life, and there was never a bird like that around the castle's lands. Len swore it was the same bird he saw after waking up from that strange nightmare... Anyone else would call this paranoia, but for him, the two facts could only be related. He quickly closed the curtains again. It didn't look like a normal bird and it didn't act like a normal bird... and if he wasn't aware of the REAL connection he had with Rin, he would just move on from this. But he was fully aware. And he knew there was always _something else_ to everything in the world.

He wished he could share it with Rin. Ask her if she-- No, even if she did know anything about it, she would never tell him. Better keep it from her. She would be worried sick about the danger reaching his awaken life...

The tiredness finally got to his body. He went to his bed and soon feel asleep, his back facing the woman beside him.


	11. Long-awaited News

One year.

One year since Len and Isabelle got married.

Four months.

Four months since Isabelle got pregnant.

They were celebrating their anniversary and the coming of a new heir with a dancing ball. A suggestion (demand) from Duke Henry. It was the only heir after the next three Dukes, after all. The most important people from Lower Bavaria had to attend. Len was sitting in the fancy chair across the hall, next to his father's right side, who was happily watching the couples dance from the grand throne. His mother in Henry's left, and Isabelle in her other side. Around 600 people danced in front of them, filling the ballroom, but not quite enough to cover the whole floor.

Len was bored. He didn't get to speak, as his father made the honors, announcing the news. He didn't get to do anything really, not even dance... it did not bother him, though. The only person he would like to dance with was the one who could not attend the event.

It had also been four months since Len and Rin last met. He told himself he did not have the right to see her smiling face, to run his fingers through her golden hair, to stare at her sky-blue eyes, to feel her warm and tight embrace, to smell the purest scent of roses and summer air that emanated from her body. No, he did not deserve that, but that was he was yearning for it like his lungs naturally yearned for oxygen. The past four months had been a nightmare without her.

He kept remembering the voice from that nightmare, and the strange bird from his window... Neither appeared again. But he was unhealthily worried about her. He took all the pain on his training. For the past four months, seven of his men luckily got away with serious injures. Two died after three days of pain... and it did not stop him. Len refused to enter his art-room. All he wished for was meeting her. "Maybe she's mad at me because I told her I would betray her" was one of his thoughts. It quickly was followed by "Rin would never leave me like this... I believe in her feelings for me. I trust her words about it like they are my own".

It happened a few times before. Len still had no idea why that happened. Neither did Rin, like she declared all the previous times. But not once it lasted more than two months. And that was too much for him. At least his relationship with his family got better. Isabelle never spoke to him again after that night. She sent one of her maids to tell him about the new life growing inside her. Both his parents only went after him to talk about business. They did leave him alone, and that's why only his men experienced all the rage he was suffering from.

Lost in his thoughts, the ball ended before he noticed. He went to his bedroom as soon as he could. His bed was still shared with Isabelle, but like she promised, no words were ever heard. They both laid in their sides, their backs facing each other. The physical tiredness, and the hope of seeing his beloved, always made him fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.

 

Another night without her.

Len mentally cursed the heavens as he opened his eyes and saw his own bedroom again, illuminated by a few beams of morning light forcing themselves through the curtains. Listening to the birds singing to another chilly April sunrise. Isabelle breathing steadily beside him. He quickly got up trying to avoid any more painful thoughts. The business meeting were canceled that morning, due to the hangover most of the lords were having... Len sighed and went straight to his training after having breakfast. A couple hours later, and he was interrupted by the sound of horns announcing the arrival of a cavalry. He hurried to the throne room to properly meet them.

He got there too soon, and none of the servants knew who were them. A few minutes later, the man who appeared to be their leader entered the room, Len anxiously got up from his chair next to the now empty throne, since his father was probably still sleeping. No one went inside the room announcing who they were, but Len only noticed why they didn't do it when the man approached him and bowed.

"I have returned, my Lord. I apologise for the delay." - he said with his eyes still facing the floor.

The pinkish hair, the black and golden clothes, and the long and thin sword on his left waist, which was his trademark... all were easily recognised by Len. The man was Yuuma. One of the knights he sent after Rin almost four years ago.

Would he be the one to ease Len's state of unsettling rage and desperation for news of his beloved Rin?


	12. Good News, Bad News

Len's heartbeat raced when he noticed it was Yuuma bowing in front of him. Almost four years had passed, but both of them quickly recognised each other.

Only 26 knights from the Duke's troops were sent. They were divided into two groups. One, went north. The other, led by Yuuma, went south. They were told not to come back unless they had found any useful information. They were told to throughoutly search for her. They were told to completely accomplish the job. Yuuma was now back.

"Did you find her??" - Len almost shouted. His blood running through his veins in a increasing speed, yet his body stood still.

"My Lord..." - Yuuma refused to move. "I... I apologise. Not a trace of her could be foun--"

"Are you sure?? Did you follow my instructions? Did you search everywhere?"

"Yes, my Lord--"

"I see... I trust you, my friend. I am glad you're back" - Len offered his hand so Yuuma could get up.

"You've grown a lot, little Len" - Yuuma said as he went for hug.

"Shut up, you old hag." - Len said as he punched Yuuma's arm.

They went to the dinning hall since it was almost lunchtime. Len ordered the cooker to prepare the most tasteful meal. They sat in the long table, Len at the head of the table, his friend by his left side. They shared a few more friendly insults before starting to talk about Yuuma's journey through the southern lands. He met many girls that looked a lot like the one he saw in Len's art pieces. But neither of them had ever heard about the name "Rin", or even "Len". Since he was  _officially_ called Louis, there was no problem with opportunists looking for a meeting with the son of the Duke of Lower Bavaria.

"Speaking of which... I heard the news of your marriage. Congratulations, my Lord" - Yuuma sarcastically said, with a smirk on his face. Len threw a spoon towards his chest. Yuuma shrugged.

"I also heard gossips about the grand party you hosted last night... that isn't very like you..."

"Tell me about it. It was obviously Duke Henry's idea... he wanted to share the news with his _important_ friends."

"Oh, that part of the gossip I didn't catcatch up to... what are the news?"

"Tch... I really don't feel like talking about it."

"Come on, Len. I just got back. You need to fill me in."

Len sighed loudly. Just when he was about to talk, the servants entered the room with the dishes.

"Oh no... we have to eat now. Didn't your mother tell you it was wrong to eat and talk?"

"Ha. Not really... go on, Len."

"No."

"Yes."

"I said no."

"And I said yes. Just tell me already."

"God. You're so annoying, Yuuma."

"Thanks. I missed you too."

"Okay, fine... it was my wedding anniversary."

"And...?" - Yuuma said as he raised a glass of wine to his mouth.

"And Isabelle is... pregnant."

The whole portion of wine that had just entered Yuuma's mouth was now spilled all over the table in front of him. The room was then filled with a resounding laughter. But Len's face was dead serious.

"I-I apologise" - Yuuma said trying to contain himself  - "I just.. I just never expected that, my Lord."

"Yeah, yeah.." - Len looked down to his plate. His appetite gone.

"So... how was--"

"Don't."

"But I--"

"I'm not gonna answer that. I don't want to remember."

"Okay, if you say so..." - Yuuma noticed Len's expression was very unusual. He continued, trying to comfort his friend. - "I am sorry you had to... do that. And I'm even more sorry for not bringing Rin back where she belongs. I am sure the other cavalry will find her."

"Yeah... I hope so."

 

\--------

 

The following days were a little more pleasant for Len. He still didn't meet Rin, but spending the afternoons with his _only_ friend made him feel like a child again. Their friendship started way back in 1276. Yuuma was the first son of Henry's best swordsman. He inherited his father's talent, so the Duke called him to train Len, who was 7 by then. Yuuma, on the other hand, was 10 years old, but he had already forged the weapon who later became his trademark. A long and thin sword, unlike the ones used by the other knights, with a black, yellow and red pattern both on the blade and the scabbard. Yuuma got his inspiration from the stories he was told by the Duke's official travellers. He always admired the adventurers. They get to aquire many experiences and knowledge from the whole world, it seemed. So it was an honor for him, years later, to lead one of the groups sent on a search for Len.

The friendship between the two boys became a crucial part of their lives. Len always felt alone in the awaken world. His parents were busy with being Duke and Duchess, his brothers and sisters put him aside for "being weird", and he never ever met any friend. Yuuma went through the same. His father always busy with his job as the Duke's First Swordsman, his mother taking care of his three younger sisters, and he never had any friends, for all the children were too scared of him and his abilities with weapons. Naturally, Len and Yuuma spent a lot of time together, and started meeting outside the official time they needed to. Soon, they both learned the meaning of trust and companionship.

A little more than a year later, Len told his friend about the dreams with the special girl, and his _real_ name. Yuuma was the only person who completely believed in each and every word, including Rin's existence, never doubting it even once. Len shared everything he knew, every dream, every theory about her situation, every painting of her, every moment of frustration whenever reality hit him... When Yuuma was sent after her, Len missed all of it. But of course, the reason why they got apart helped him face his friend's absence. He found the sword training, although with other men, was also a way to keep their friendship alive in his heart.

For Len, Rin and Yuuma were the only ones that truly deserved his feelings. The only ones that understood him. The only ones he undoubtedly would give his own life for. Yuuma felt exactly the same.

Ever since he first laid his eyes on Len's artworks, he fell in love with Rin.

He wasn't sure if it was her beautiful eyes that first called his attention, her perfect silhouette that got carved into his mind, or her bright smile that warmed his heart like a summer sunlight. Yuuma never met her in his dreams, so everything he learned about her personality were through Len's point of view. He did not know how, but he fell in love with Rin's image at first sight. However, even before Len admitted it to himself, Yuuma knew his friend was in love with her too.

He decided to conceal all his feelings, and focus on his duties. He knew, right from the start, Rin did not belong with him. Nor anyone else but his best friend, the son of the Duke of Lower Bavaria. And he would do whatever he could to make them both happy. It was painful for him to face the fact that he did not come to find her. That he searched all around the southern lands for her, and yet... nothing. He wished he could continue his traveling around the word until she was found. But he was done with his official task and should return home, his only option was to hope the cavalry that went north would find her.

When he got back to the palace and found Len desperately asking if she was with him, he felt his body burn on the inside. He thought his friend acted like that because the north-cavalry had already returned with the same answer as himself. Thankfully, that was not the case. He later found out that Len was just... desperately waiting for any news about her after 4 months without meeting her. He tried what he could to help his friend feel a little better. It did work. Until a certain day.

It was a common day on Len's routine. Ever since his friend got back, he trained with him during his afternoons, just like the old days. They also spent their evenings together. Len could see Yuuma's attempt to keep him from the dark thoughts about Rin's situation, and that was very much appreciated. One afternoon, three weeks after Yuuma had arrived, they were in the training room, outside the main palace, when they heard a woman's scream. He quickly rushed to see what it could be. Maybe it was an intruder, an enemy of the Duke... or maybe it was only a kitchen helper who got hurt with a knife.

When he got there, he saw a few servants running with bloody rags. Someone did get attacked, and he could say the injure was not superficial from the amount of blood he was seeing.

"What is going--" - Yuuma was cut by another scream.

The two friends looked at each other. But only Len knew what was going on.


	13. Living Nightmare

 "Oh no.." - Len said running upstairs. "NO NO NO NO!! Please, no!"

Yuuma followed him. It was definitely a woman in pain screaming, he was sure. But before he could ask Len what he meant, they were standing still in front of his bedroom.

The woman's scream was Isabelle's.

Her lower body was completely covered in her own blood. She was surrounded by a dozen servants, at least, and Len's mother, who immediately ran to the doorway when the two arrived.

"Louis, no!" - Elizabeth said as she pushed both of them out of Isabelle's sight, though she wasn't exactly looking at them.

"Mother.... please. Tell me this is not what I think it is" - Len was in shock. Yuuma decided it was better to stay quiet.

"Len.." - Elizabeth's tone was the one she used when trying to convince Len of something he didn't believe. She held both his hands - "The lady who delivered you and your siblings is taking care of her, you don't have to worry abou--"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT??" - He pulled his hands back and pointed towards his bedroom - "LOOK HOW MUCH BLOOD SHE LOST, THE HEIR--"

"Louis, please! There is nothing we can do! Everything is already being taken care of! Now go and wait outside. I will call you when it's done." - She held her son's face with both her hands. - "Yuuma, please take my son outside. I need to get back."

Yuuma nodded, placed his arms over Len shoulders, and forced him to walk, which turned out to be an easy task since he was completely out of this world. When they reached outside, Len fell on his knees, hitting the dirt on the walking path. His friend sat in front of him, he knew it wouldn't be of any use if he tried to stand him up.

"Yuuma" - He looked into his eyes - "She cannot lose this child... She... can't."

Len was almost whispering. His whole body felt like the heaviest rock. He was not worried about Isabelle at all. The only thought on his mind was that... he would have to... do that again. He would have to betray his lover... again.

"Len. Don't think about it now... your mother said we should wait. Maybe the child will pull through... Now, let's go to a place more comfortable, yes?"

Len didn't say anything, but stood up with Yuuma's help. The latter lead them to his dorm. It was not inside the palace's grounds, a bit far from it actually, so there was no chance of Len hearing any more screams. They sat in the single sized bed, which was the only furniture along with a locked chest. His room was much smaller than Len's, but that's what made it cozy, and very pleasant to be in. Golden candlesticks in all four walls, and a large carpet that covered almost the whole room completed the decoration. Those were gifts from his best friend.

Len was spacing out... and Yuuma didn't know what to do. He never saw his friend like that. Not even when he discovered Rin was in actual danger. He was never this shocked. Through the small windows, they saw the day turn into night, and these hours dragged on for what felt like an eternity. A servant knocked on the door when the sun was already out, breaking the long-lasting silence. Both friends ran to the castle, and found Elizabeth waiting for them at the main hall.

"My dear son, I am deeply sorry..." - she said as she approached them.

"Isabelle's gone and the baby is safe?"

"Louis! That's not the manners I have taught you!"

"Is. The heir. Safe?" - Len sounded calm, but anyone could tell that was not the case.

"Isabelle is still being taken care of. All I can say is that... The heir... your daughter... is gone."

Len spent all his afternoon preparing himself for this answer. So his expression was emotionless. He was numb to all the situation. After a few minutes of silence, Len turned around and left the castle. He heard his mother calling him, but he didn't want to hear about whatever else she had to say. There was nothing he could do, anyway. It just felt like he needed some time alone.

"But he's been completely alone for the past years", Yuuma thought. A time alone was not what Len needed. So Yuuma went after his friend, and found him by the rose garden he cherished so much.

"Why do I have to go through all of this?" - Len asked without taking his eyes off the blooming roses.

"Len, I--"

"No. I deserve it... I failed her." - he gently ran his fingers across the red and pink rose petals in front of him. Not a single tear left his eyes, but his voice gave away all the pain running through his entire being.

Yuuma knew an opportunity to vent would be enough... Len needed to know that he was not alone. Further into the moonless night, the single torch Yuuma brought with him illuminated both of them and the beautiful rose garden. Len's silence was replaced by the sounds from the crickets for a few minutes before he continued.

"I know it's all my fault. **I**  am the one who should have gone after her... What was I thinking?? Of course I am the only one who can find her. If I am the only one who is able to visit her dream world, then I am the only one who was chosen to be her savior... why do I have to be the next in line for the throne at the same time?? Would I be able to find her if I wasn't to have so many duties? And if I wasn't such an important person, would I have the power to send my men on a search throughout other kingdom's lands so easily?"

Of course he knew all the answers. He just didn't want to hear them. Yuuma knew it was better to leave them as rhetorical questions.

"Do you think... do you think she's still waiting for me?"

"I--"

"Be honest, Yuuma." - he turned to face his friend.

"Yes, Len. Rin is waiting for you somewhere in the north. I am sure of it." - Yuuma didn't know if he said it to comfort his friend, or to comfort himself. He needed Rin to be alive. Even if for his friend only.

Len nodded. Yuuma's words were reassuring. If it weren't for him, Len sure would be long gone from the castle by the morning.


	14. Some Light

The next day turned out to be a little better, although Len's body was aching everywhere from the stress. He also hadn't had single hour of sleep. He noticed he would not be able to return to his room, where Isabelle was supposedly resting. He chose to stay by the garden, despite Yuuma's offers.

"I'm serious, Len. You can spend the night at my room. I can find a spare bed in the soldiers' dorm." Len would always thank and say he just wanted some time alone. A couple hours later, Yuuma granted his wish.

Len felt hypnotised by the garden. Nothing else seemed to get his attention. Before he noticed how much time had passed, the sun was already illuminating the roses and their thorns in front of him.

"You are so beautiful..." - was actually the first thing he said since Yuuma left. - "Wherever you are, I'm sure you are beautifully greeting this new day with me, dear Rin."

A few minutes later, a servant came close. His parents were waiting for him at the main hall. Len surely didn't want to see anyone at that moment, but it would be better to get this done with sooner rather than later. He could not put his duties as one of the next Dukes aside, after all.

When he arrived, he was greeted by more people than he expected. His brothers were there. They used to only see each other during the official meetings in the mornings. Len assumed they were on their way to the meeting hall, and Duke Henry made them stop by to "show their support" or some bullshit like that, because not one of his brothers had any ounce of compassion ever before. And he also guessed Otto would show up anytime since he had been through the same loss.

"Looking good, brother"

"Stephen!" - Henry censured the youngest son. Elizabeth also shot him a harsh look. Like his mother, Stephen had a gentle face (the opposite from his usal attitude), light brown hair and eyes. He was a few inches smaller than Len, yet their body looked very similar... except for Len having bigger biceps from the hard sword training.

"Louis" - Almost shouted Otto, who looked like a younger version of Duke Henry. Different from the other two brothers, Henry had a round body... and always a concerned expression on his face. His voice tone even more. - "I'm... sure you're suffering a lot, I understand your feelings. But don't give up yet, your wife is still--"

"Yeah, thank you for the kind words. Would that be all, father?"

Henry sighed and closed his already tired eyes. Len knew it was because he wanted the three brothers to have a good relationship. Especially now, that they were to rule Lower Bavaria together.

"Your bothers and I are deeply sorry for what happened. You don't have to attend the meeting today. Your mother have some news for you." - he approached Len, making way to give him a hug. Len stood still. - "I'm sure you'll still bring me much happiness... Don't give up yet."

When the three left the room, Elizabeth quickly took Len by his arm, and led him to her favorite balcony. It was in the highest tower of the castle. A spectacular view of their lands, a few villages here and there, and so much green farther on the horizon whichever direction they looked.

"I've loved this view ever since I came to live here... it keeps me from giving up on my dreams."

"Your... dreams?" - Len looked at her very much confused.

"Oh... you're not the only one with something to live for." - Elizabeth's face was straight ahead - "Becoming a Duke is hard work, I see that. But not a thing should stop you from this dream of--"

"Mother--"

"Do not interrupt me" - she tightened the link between their arms - "This is one of my dreams. To treat you as a proper Duke... of course, your brothers as well. But since you are the one who's struggling the most, it will be satisfying to see you on that throne."

Len said nothing. He looked away from her, trying to hide his transparent face... for that was not exactly his dream. Sure, it would help him. But that was far from being called a dream.

"Father said you had news..." - he bluntly changed the subject.

"Hm? Oh, yes yes... about your wife." - she unlinked their arms, and faced him - "Loui-- _Len_... what I'm about to say is very important. And I--  _we all_ need you to be patient. Although I'm sure you would never get out of your way..."

Len watched her with care. Elizabeth was not an easy person to read, so he couldn't distinguish if she was about to announce good news for him, or for herself.

"As you know, Isabelle received the best treatment a Duke can afford. We still don't know what caused the baby to be... lost. But surprisingly, it happened exactly as it did with Otto's wife. And also like her, Isabelle is doing fine, and she will be able to carry your child again" - Len couldn't help but close his eyes in disappointment. Elizabeth pretended she didn't see and continued - "But as you also see in Otto's case, it takes time until their bodies is healed enough. So I'll say this again... Please. Be. Patient."

"I've learned that since before I even knew what patience meant..." - Elizabeth knew he was referring to Rin. He sighed. - "Don't worry, mother. I will do what needs to be done..."

"Yes... I know that. Your commitment makes me the proudest mother from both Bavarias..." - she softly caressed his cheek, and left.

Len felt a lot better after that. He could really use the time Isabelle needed. Because maybe that would be enough. Maybe the cavalry yet to arrive would find his beloved in the meantime and he wouldn't need to impregnate a woman who is not her... again. Anyway, with one less matter to worry about, now there was something else keeping him from being fine.

Len did not remember when was the last time he and Rin went so long without seeing each other. After the nightmare and the creepy bird by his window, he worried even more about her. Dreamless nights were piling up one after another. Even though his anxious thoughts never left him, he would never give up. He made an effort every night to fall asleep, knowing some night, she would be greeting him with the most beautiful smile like she always did.

Her perfect being roaming his mind, he only noticed he had moved after stopping in front of a very familiar door... he pulled the key from under his shirt and opened it as if in a hurry. Entering the room, he locked the door behind him as usual. He ran to the curtains and moved them so the sunlight could lay its rays on every inch of the room. He then uncovered all the paintings, placed them side by side, and sat on his chair. He could spent hours just looking at them and all the hope that could possibly have left him would come back and hit him as an arrow shot by best the archer from both Bavarias.

"You may not be with me now, my dear Rin. But I promised you before, and I'm promising once more... we will be together no matter what. Just wait a little bit more, my love..."

Just like the garden trapped his attention the night before, the paintings in front of him did not allow him to look at anything else.

"There MUST be something I am stupidly missing!" - he whispered, running both his hands through his blonde hair.

He spent his whole day scattering every memory, and every image he drew. His eyes, of a blue shade that only Rin had the same, trying to search for any kind of help the images could provide... but there was nothing. He had all of them memorized. Just like the words written in that notebook inside the locked drawer.

Suddenly there was a knock.

"Son?"

"What is it, mother?"

"You skipped dinner?"

Len looked outside. Oh, it was pitch night already. He slightly remember getting up for a second and lightning the candles.

"Uhm.... yeah. I don't have the appetite."

"I'll tell the servants to bring you something... please don't worry too much about what happened, my dear."

"Thank you, mother" - he waited a few minutes, to make sure she wasn't listening - "But I do not worry about it at all..."

There was, and there would always be, only one girl that he worried and cared about. He closed his eyes and imagined her cheerfully greeting him. When he opened them again, there it was...

The sky as blue as their eyes... and the sun as bright and warm as touching each other felt... the trees and the flowers as vivid as he remembered.

"Finally!! Our dream garden!!" - Len rushed through the path he had memorized for years... he missed it so damn much.

Before he even reached midway, small hands held tight onto his right arm, enough to stop him from running.


	15. Realisation

"These hands..." - Len quickly turned around.

A pair of unforgettable blue eyes stared at his.

"RIN--"

"Shhh." - She placed one of her hands on his mouth, although her face was showing she desperately wanted to scream his name just as much.

Len nodded and waited for an explanation of some kind. Rin took a good look around. With her other hand still on his arm, she pulled his body closer.

"Do not speak!" - she whispered and suddenly started running to the opposite direction where Len was going, taking him by his hand.

Her hushed voice entered Len's ears like a remedy after so long. He followed her and did exactly as she told. They sneakily ran, and hide, then ran some more, and hide... repeating it time and time again. After a few minutes, Len started to actually pay attention to what surrounded him. Rin was leading him into a part of their dream land that he never been before... not like he needed to, since Rin was the only one he went after every time he visited this place. The trees looked all the same, but he noticed the roses changing their color randomly as they went further. He also realized they were not going to an specific place, since they passed by the same stone more than twice.

Rin was only hiding, and not trying to escape. And it made him wonder... why was she even doing it? Their dreamland looked fine, she looked fine... and yet she was putting on an enormous effort to hide from something.  _Or someone._ He wanted to ask her, but she told him to keep quiet, and she constantly remembered him whenever they stopped to hide.

Surprisingly, Rin had excellent controls over her moves. Even the dress, that was almost three times bigger than herself, seemed so easy for her to run with. Len knew it meant she had experience on the matter. He had seven sisters and never saw any of them running like that, after all.

A few more "run and hide", and Rin finally stopped. They were under one of biggest trees they found in one of their nights together... Len knew it was Rin's favorite "because they discovered it together" she told him. The only place they would probably stop when finishing the run could only be here or by the roses she often took care of, and one was really close to the other, actually.

"I think... I think we are okay now" - Rin said between her heavy breathing.

Len's was just the same, so he didn't say anything. He put his back against the tree, and pulled her for a warm and long embrace. Minutes later, their heartbeats were synchronised, "as it always should be", they both thought for themselves without ever realising.

"Len... we need to talk."

"Just a few more minutes, my love" - Len had his eyes closed. He wanted to feel her presence. To hold her and never let go again. Apparently, the danger had passed, since she let him have his way, placing her ear on his chest exactly where his heartbeats could be felt a bit stronger.

"I missed you, Len..." - he tightened his arms around her after hearing his name. - "I thought... I wouldn't see you again--"

"I could never let this happen, Rin."

"I thought... Len..." - she moved her head away from his chest, enough to stare into his eyes. - "All this time, I told myself I should encourage you to enjoy your...  _real_ life, but after being away from you all this time... I realised... I want to be with you!"

Len tried to swipe her tears away at first, but before she even finished the sentence, she was crying too much for him to dry. Her blue eyes were now surrounded by the same red as her roses.

"I know that, my love." - he held her face with his left hand, while the other still kept her waist close. - "I know that, and I've never stopped thinking about how we can solve this situation."

Rin heard something Len didn't and moved her head towards the path they took to get there...

"Len... please, listen to me. I don't have much time, but I promise one day I will explain it all..." - she took another look around - "I've managed to keep our land stable. But it's not safe for us to be here together yet. I still don't know how, but... you also managed to get our connection back together. I didn't find out how exactly it was broken either, to be honest."

"I could never, not once, stop thinking about you and our time together--"

"Yes. I know, Len. For that, I am so, so thankful!" - she held his face to make sure he looked into her eyes. Rin was shorter, so Len had to adjust his position a little by himself. - "Seeing you has given me strength to keep fighting... But please... I need you to do something for me... For us! Please, my Len.. don't try to come back here unless I go to you."

"Rin--"

"Don't.. Don't try to find me yet, or we'll be in serious danger. No matter how long it takes. Promise me, Len. Promise me you will do as I say so we can be together in the future!" - her eyes were getting wet again.

Len held both her hands and kissed every knuckle... he then focused on her right arm, his lips marking a path of gentle touch as he reached her shoulder... going higher, he tenderly kissed her sensitive spot...

"L-Len, you need to--" - it was a lot harder for her to resist his temptations...

He moved to her mouth, so she would focus only on their little fraction of eternity... he broke the kiss, though she clearly wanted more.

"I promise you, my love. I promise you. Len will always wait for Rin."

She smiled like the happiest girl, then closed her eyes while placing her hands on Len's, which seemed to have glued to her cheeks. Len close the distance between their foreheads enough for them to touch. A synchronised declaration of love was whispered.

 

When Len blinked his eyes, the image in front of him changed to the paintings, receiving the early morning sunshine.

He quickly got up. Unlocked the drawer. Picked the journal, then his feather. With a calligraphy more sloppy than usual, he made sure to write every detail he could remember, even though he would have plenty of time before having anything new to add.


	16. Distance

_My beautiful Rin,_  

_I hope, wherever you are, the cold autumn breeze reaches you with all my warm feelings. I am sorry I can't send them myself through our dreamland... I am so ignorant to everything. And you've been gone for so long..._

_I miss you very much. I never had a summer as cold as the one that just ended.  Oh God... I hope you're still waiting for me. Nothing would bring me more happiness than this confirmation. I miss talking to you, telling you how I spent my days... it felt like taking a huge rock out of my chest. Now I have no one._

_A couple months ago I sent Yuuma after the north cavalry. I'm worried they found something meaningful and are now somehow trapped. Yuuma is the only one capable enough to find them.. and you. Of course, I enjoyed my time with him just like we were little kids again. Our sword training went exactly like before... our moves always synchronised. Even after all this time apart, we still have each other as best friends. It was a hard decision sending him away when he had just got back, but... You're still my number one priority. I'm sure Yuuma will succeed. I trust him more than anyone else in this castle._

_Speaking of which. My disagreements with my family became worse since last month... the month my unborn daughter should be here. I had several discussions with my mother and my wife for this. It was rather unpleasant. They don't understand that I cannot and I will not care about it. The only fact that interests me is that Isabelle is still not fully recovered, and... it's a relief._

_Father might have noticed it.. he advised me to "care about the ones that are still here". I can't help but think that he also meant himself as one of them... I can sense his tiredness, morning after morning, yet he's still doing great as our Duke. Sometimes me and my brothers diverge in our opinions, and as main councillors, father take our words very carefully. He always make the best decisions... I fear the time when he won't be here anymore. I hope it will not be too soon. Lower Bavaria is not ready to have three Dukes at once. Especially three Dukes with different goals._

_I wish I could hear your soothing words back... Just imagining you paying attention to me with your dazzling eyes helps me ease the pain of your absence. But no matter how good my skills on the canvas get, I can never be truly faithful to your beauty. All these paintings in front of me are only a simple reminder of the heavenly light that emanates from your smile--_

 

A sudden knock on the door silenced his thoughts. 

"What is it?" - Len was forcefully brought back to reality. He moved his eyes from the still fresh painting in front of him to the locked door.

"I-I'm sorry to interrupt, my lord." - said a muffled voice from behind it - "Duke Henry is requesting your presence. It's importan--"

"It surely is, or he wouldn't send his messenger here. What is it about?"

"The preparations for the Winter Festivals."

"We're two months away. Why is it so urgent?"

"F-forgiv--"

"Fine.." - Len sighed - "I'll meet Duke Henry in a minute."

"Yes, my lord."

He didn't want to leave. He hadn't visited the artroom for months, in an attempt to try and not think about her. But something happened earlier that day, and he just couldn't help himself.

That morning, Len woke up after a dreamless night. Again. But something was different. He felt different. It was like... Rin called out to him but he couldn't follow her voice. Before leaving the bedroom to have breakfast, he saw the weird bird again... it was only for a few seconds, but he swore it was sitting on his window, watching him.

He did not know if it was a sign that he was finally losing his mind. He just couldn't stop thinking about Rin. And before he noticed, he was working on a new art piece, trying to avoid any bad thoughts.

His special moment was interrupted by his father request. For a moment he thought about not leaving, but decided against it.

 

_I shall keep my promise and not run to you... I need to leave, my love. I hope we meet in our garden soon._


	17. Departure and Arrival

Len opened his eyes to face the view he got tired of seeing for months now. This place once made him glad to be in. It was where his body could rest from the hard day's work, and his mind would be free to visit his beloved. The sunrise stepping through the curtains, once a reminder of the warm moments he had minutes before, was now giving him all the reasons to be hated. His whole bedroom became proof that another night had passed and Rin did not come to him.

After almost two years without meeting her, he wanted to run away whenever it was time to go to bed. And for several nights, he did. Spending the time in the library, in the art room, visiting the garden, anywhere but his bedroom. Of course, he was worried sick about her, but knowing she could handle anything kept him from desperately searching for a way to visit their place. Then again, he promised he would not go after her... it was never easy, but he tried. Occasionally, he didn't even go to sleep on the days he spent most of his time thinking about her.

He tended to try and distract himself with sword training. And all the knights who practiced with him were affected by his 'lack of Rin'. During the day, it was difficult to control his moves and not actually hurt someone. At night, it was worse to control his thoughts and not run desperately towards her embrace. He'd been trying so hard...

_and so far it's been working. But I do not know how much longer I can endure--_

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of someone... _crying?_ He quickly got his consciousness back to where his body was. His bed. With his wife beside him.

"Isabelle??" - he sounded confused more so than worried. They were the only ones in the room, so the cry was obviously coming from her. She was laying on her side, with her back facing Len.

Isabelle cried a lot since that happened, but never in front of anyone, especially her husband. Len just happened to know because she was always with a reddish face... which reminded him of someone else's. Although the color of their eyes were very different, both girls had the same sadness taking away the usual bright color from their iris.

She didn't respond, except for letting out a sobbing moan. Len sat on the mattress, and tried to look at her face, but Isabelle avoided him even more, almost burying herself into the bed sheets.

"Isabelle... say something."

She started crying even more.

"Are you feeling ill?" - Len stood up and started walking towards the door - "I'll call the--"

"NO!" - Isabelle sat up. Her entire face was puffy due to her cry. Her scream sounded painful.

"Then...?"

"I'm just... it's just..." - Tears ran down her face, wetting her nightgown more than it already had. She had been crying for longer than Len noticed.

Since she didn't seem to be explaining it right away, Len tried to remember what could possibly be causing this sudden attitude. Not that Isabelle had been acting completely fine lately, but... she certainly wouldn't let herself get caught crying so much.

And then he remembered... it was September...

"...our daughter would be one year old by now."

It came out of his mouth as an unexpected soft whisper. But since they were the only ones in the quiet room, Isabelle heard it loud and clear. As soon as he finished the sentence, she stared at him with surprise. Her tears never stopping from falling.

"S-so you... you remember!"

"Of course I do, Isabelle. I had a deal with my fath-"

"Len... I'm so sorry!" - she was crying louder than Len ever imagined she could.

"N-no. That's... that's not your fault."

"Yes, it is! Why?? WHY COULDN'T I DO IT?"

"Isabelle, you--"

"NO. PLEASE STOP" - She tried to stand up, but after crying so much, dizziness hit her and she fell back on the mattress - "I'M SICK OF BEING TREATED AS AN INNOCENT. I KILLED OUR DAUGHTER, LEN! I KILLED BECAUSE I'M A WEAK--"

He stood still and stared at her with wide eyes. He never imagined she would be blaming herself this much... Len didn't feel any love for her, but he understood she was never in position to choose her own destiny either.

_So is the life of the nobility._

Isabelle's screams called the attention of the servants, who knocked desperately on the bedroom's door. Len had no idea how to handle his wife's outbreak, so he soon opened it hoping her maids could help her.

A few weeks after this episode, the royal physician recommended that Isabelle were sent to the Duke's second residence, the Burghausen Castle. He told them her emotional state was probably preventing her from physically recovering from the miscarriage, and leaving the stressful environment of the main castle would most certainly help her with that. Two days later, she left along with her maids and Otto's wife, who had been through the same misfortune.

While bidding them goodbye, Len saw that strange bird accompanying their carriage from above, flying low enough for Len to recognise it.

"It's not after me, perhaps..?"

Len had so many questions roaming his mind. And registering them on his notebook was the only way they could get out of it.

What exactly was it?

A bird so different. He had never seen it any of this kind. Nor did the best nature researchers from both Bavarias, he did his research.

Could it be from some other place? Maybe it got lost... but then why did it always come back from time to time?

Was it always there, watching him?

It's possible... but then why did it let itself be noticed only now?

When did it start appearing? Something that happened at the same time than...

_Rin's world crumbling into a nightmare._

Could it be the reason behind their distance? Would them be able to meet after it left...?

Watching it leave the castle gave him so much to think about... even though he had his bedroom all for himself again, a proper night rest only happened around 4 days later.

And as if to give him part of the answers... he found himself where he wanted to be.

He opened his eyes and looked up at the sky... the sudden brightness blinded for a moment, and it passed... it was divine. The sun right above his head surrounded by the brightest blue, with only a few white clouds to be seen.

He lowered his head, and there it was... the garden he missed so much. He started walking to her, small and big green trees on both sides of the homelike path.

As always, she stood with her back to Len. The basket in her hand already full of all the different colours of roses. Yet she was always looking for more. And as it was before all that storm happened, nothing seemed to ever wither in her garden. Instead, every flower, leaf, fruit, bird, insect, fish, the river's water.. the entire ecosystem where Rin lived in was a perfect scenario that only enhanced her unique charm.

Stepping further into her place, he could see her shivering and moving to see what was interrupting her peaceful time... _just like the first time_ , Len thought.

When their eyes met, it felt like time stopped for the two lovers.


End file.
